Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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