i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
