About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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