We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
