WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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