Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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