i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You pole danced in your parka.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
