It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
