I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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