You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
