I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
