dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
