I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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