just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
