I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
