3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
