bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Green mimosas i think yes
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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