i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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