So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
