At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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