I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
