i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Couch. On fire.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
