from now on my penis is your penis
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
