Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
