I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
