I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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