I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
