She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
