you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
