If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
