I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
