If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
