You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
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