Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
