I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
