Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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