Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
