do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
