WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
