So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
