this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
