i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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