dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
