god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
