I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
