HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
