I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
