We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
