I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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