Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
